Have you ever had that feeling like your not where you should be?

Well here lately that’s  how I feel like I’m trapped inside someone other than me,

Now truth be told I’m a lil bipolar I must admit but this seems so different,

This seems like my world is slowly changing my life is on this crazy descent.

At one moment I’m feeling high and the next I’m so low I’m on the ground,

Haters watching me fly with the stars as the vultures wait for me to get shot down,

I send out my MAYDAY SOMEBODY HELP ME but yet I get no response at all,

Realizing at this moment that my “friends and Family” really is sitting back watching me fall,

Heart breaking isn’t even the word I use to describe the way that shit feels,

falling in slow motion watching the pleasure on their face makes me lose the emotion to feel,

Its really tragic waking up noticing that your circle could really hate you that much,

But being the person I am somehow its my fault cause I’m always out of touch,

I thought I gave my all and I think I’m someone who you can count on,

But quickly I realize in some of y’all lives my heart is nothing it’s just a pawn,

In this chest game called life thrown about like trash disposable that’s me,

Tossing out all the time I put in as a part of your life because of one mistake no this cant be,

So appalled at the outcome of my existence somehow I thought I meant more,

Only to find out I mean nothing to the ones I love hurts me to my core,

Years go by and I’m still shunned and ignored broken and beaten my heart can’t go on,

Enduring the reality of my life has motivated my brain to vacate my heart is also gone,

Its been through a lot of hurts and strife the lost of loved ones has also taken a toll,

Producing this damaged version of the Angel I once knew bearing a loveless soul,

The damaged started young but my heart fell apart in my later years,

Living life wearing  a mask designed by the same ones who destroyed me crying silent tears,

Folks wonder where did it all go wrong where did the change in me begin,

I guess I can say with my mother for not doing the job that she was given.

Just to be a fucking mother not a mother fucker she really let us down,

Sometimes I wish she would’ve just swallowed me or let my dad cum hit the ground,

I know that sounds harsh but my life and all this pain I experience really could been avoided,

If I would’ve been raised by my mother I believe my brain wouldn’t be so distorted,

I know I wouldn’t have got raped at the age of 5 by my foster brother till this day I can’t figure out why,

My own family said I made it up what 5 yr old can fake internal bleeding fuck I almost died,

Moments like this they failed me miserably slowing creating this person who you see today,

Nobody wanted to step up to the plate and be there for a child who had her innocence stolen away,

Everyone turned their backs as I get shoved to yet another house with more perverts whose into kids,

Now I’m feeling like a sex slave for the state being sold to the nastiest fucker with the highest bid,

I had to free myself from all the abuse cause no one I loved  would help me out at all,

I always been called a liar so me telling my story always seemed like talking to the wall,

When I needed  you there none of you were there to protect me you let me down,

Having to hide so I wouldn’t get raped at night  caused me to create a personality that would always be around,

Growing up trying to love was hard trusting a man was even harder for me at times,

I couldv’e had a good man but I beat him down for them other losers crimes,

I prayed for the ability to love so I can give it back to the ones who deserved it,

But, I was never taught about the wolves in sheep clothing  so I really regretted that shit,

I closed myself off to the world I had to shut my heart down I was in too much pain,

In 96 I was pregnant with twins but miscarried that was the moment I think I went insane,

losing kids not one but two seeing there lil bodies helpless on a table destroyed every hope I had in mankind,

The reason I miscarried is because my cervix was badly damaged from the rape at age 5,

Oh they believed me then after having to lose two lives my family was by my side,

But at that moment it was too late angered and hurt I was only wishing for me to die,

Fast forward to now I’m trying to maintain in this crazy world  I have kids and love in my life,

Who would’ve thought  by the end of this I would be saying I’m a mother of 4  and a wife,

But as always tragedy finds me like a magnet  my pain makes the devil thrive,

I losted my best friend my brother in Hurricane  Katrina in August of 2005,

Hurting damaged  more than its ever been my heart begins to shut down,

My  heart is still able to  love my kids but saying fuck you to everyone else around,

In 2007 I meet the man of my dreams kind loving sweet and honest or so I thought,

He turned out to be a liar and a womanizing cheater who broke my fucking  heart.

So now today my head hurts and I swear I have 7 personalities 5 are so unkind,

 And just to think this is only the beginning of my story better known as,

                                                                                          THE

                                                              DESTRUCTION OF A BEAUTIFUL

                                                                                       MIND!!!!!